About

The details of my life are quite inconsequential…

Very well, where do I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament…My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon…luge lessons…In the spring, we’d make meat helmets…When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really.

Wait…none of the above is true (that was someone else).

About the real me…

  • I write politically charged books & columns
  • I help startups teams get more sales through conversion copywriting
  • I’m an amateur Woodworker & Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu hobbyist…